He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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