your thong is hanging out like whoa
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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