i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
