The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
