My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
