I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
soo... how was my night?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
