4 words: hood of his car
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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