it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Operation Purity has been aborted
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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