Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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