You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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