Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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