Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
