He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
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It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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