White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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