I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
