so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
