I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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