We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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