Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
