do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
