I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Dick very happy bro
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
