I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
love makes seman taste better
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
