But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
