he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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