is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
