Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
