8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
