Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
A bitchslap is in order.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
