If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
