Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
