bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
