There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
