I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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