i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
