Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
