I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
