you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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