pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
