my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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