I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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