I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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