too bad you live with your parents still
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
