I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
