you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
