Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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