I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I want to fling myself into the sun
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
