do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize