take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
