They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
