I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Please, let me fuck your mom
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
