Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
