My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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