with your own penis?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
