So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
