he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
