I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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