if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
