So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
