a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
