just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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