the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
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