I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
