Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
