I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
