Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
