I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
