I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
